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| 07:24pm 08/01/2006 |
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Okay, I really want to erase all my old entries and the only way of doing this is to start a new journal. Therefore I am
NEW JOURNAL ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) iheartbender
Add it or risk DYING
Sorry Lauren, I didn't realize it was like your username til I made it! |
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| 12:27am 07/01/2006 |
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mood:  stressed
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in DE English we were discussing hamlet and one of the smartest kids in the class had a really awesome view on some of it and when he started talking I couldn't take my eyes off him, I couldn't stop listening. Don't worry, he's very ugly and whatnot. I don't think I challenge myself enough intellectually. I dumb myself down to be accepted with everyone else. No wonder everyone annoys me so much. I hope I meet some interesting people in college because highschool is useless in that aspect.
I've just begun enjoying school and I'm not sure how it happened. Except orchestra. These scale tests are going to ruin me. I don't want to go to disneyland with 8,000,000 mormons either. I wish I could drop it but I love playing the cello and can't afford to rent my own..Plus lunch is fun now. I used to hope it'd get over quickly so I could get done with the day, but as the minutes go by I want to stretch them out now.
You know what would be amazing? To move to new zealand with absolutely nobody and just begin a new life in a new place where people had no idea what kind of person I am. I could be whoever I want and nobody would know any better. Maybe I'll do it some day. Or maybe I'll just live here and continue to be *deathly* shy. Yeah, that sounds great. |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 04:03pm 05/01/2006 |
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Today was pretty good! First hour we had a pretest to see what we know about government. It was 90 questions long. Everyone was laughing because it was so hard and they were stumped. I flew right through it. Everything on there I learned in AP history last year. I'm not saying I did amazing but I definitely did better than everyone in there. That made me feel good. Plus I had a red bull before school and I felt better and more awake. Lunch was so funny. We keep stalking James and making him eat lunch with us although I do believe he enjoys it. He was all trying to joke with us. We went to a corner by the library where the windows are and started talking loudly about cocks and doing ballet and dancing. It was awesome everyone kept stopping to stare. Good times. I was laughing so hard. Poor James didn't know what hit him. French was ok.. I mean I didn't even look up at all and I was writing in my journal the whole time and I still got all the answers right on our work. Then the girl by me told me I look like gwyneth paltrow. That's a compliment and a half (ahem! CHRIS MARTIN) My journal is already like 5 pages long. I also found my dream prom dress. It took my breath away when I saw it. Too bad it's 328 dollars :x |
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| 03:24pm 04/01/2006 |
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1st day of school was okay! I mean the actual school part was boring. But people complimented my hair and I really like the color of it and my eyebrows and I felt alot more confident so that was fun. I'm glad I have 4th hour with Lauren. That class is ever so boring when you don't have a partner to work with. We hung out with James at lunch. I love James hahaha. He's so silly. We made him say FUCK AND DAMN. I decided to buy a real journal so I can write in it at school. I'm going to write in it like joel from eternal sunshine of the spotless mind where he writes tons of details and draws pictures of what's happening. It will be fun to look back on and it will pass time during class. It's almost one year and 4 months with Jeff <3 I hope things stay decent like they are now |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 09:12am 03/01/2006 |
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don't worry i didn't go to school today or take chance. i realized last night around 8 we don't have school til wednesday :) so i got another night with jeff! more on that later though. time to get my hair done! wish me luck ♥ |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| 08:00pm 02/01/2006 |
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I finished out the last of my shopping, woohoo!! I went to zumiez and got this bright yellow shirt that says BANANZA with a monkey riding a banana. i've a)always wanted a bright yellow shirt and b)it cracks me up so i love it. I also got the attack of the 50ft volcom shirt i wanted with the girl SCANTILY CLAD ON THE FRONT. since you all know i love me some naked women... haha. i also got a white/black/hot pink grafitti purse. it's very very lovely. then i went to industrial and got a baby pink polo volcom shirt. love it! after that we went to beyond image where i got a pair of dickies shorts in khaki (SOOOOO in love with them) and this pink polka dot ruffle volcom skirt. also got a cute shirt but technically it's for my sister but im stealing it!! mwuaha. so im pretty happy now i'm ready for skizzoool. im taking chance early in the morning to show him his classes and then im going back home to SLEEP then get my hair done, yay. jeff came to the mall with all of us today and i was so happy. i don't know why but i felt sooooo in love with him today. probably because of this movie i watched earlier that made me realize how fucking wonderful this boy is. i pretty much squeezed the life out of him when i was hugging him. even though he was all dirty from work i couldn't stop kissing him. he also got some new shirts (in size SMALL) which is awesome because they'll be nice and tight on him and he's oh so sexy. now it's time to... go look up hair cuts with my sister. LATER MUCH |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| 24 hour time |
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| 12:22am 02/01/2006 |
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Happy New Year BITCHES!!!
2006....... that means it's almost time to fucking GRADUATE!!!!
My dad said he's thinking about paying for a dorm for me at ASU! How sweet would that be? The full college experience! I can't believe how well things are going. I'm going to be going to a fucking university! that is so exciting for me. a real college student. it's so weird how close it is. i don't care if i have to live at home the whole time i'm in college. i'm just glad I can pay for it now!! All I gotta do is get through this semester.
Speaking of this semester, I had no idea it started on tuesday. I honest to God thought we go back to school thursday for some reason. So my hair appointment is still on tuesday and my eyebrows and cosmos isn't open mondays.... therefore, my parents are letting me stay home on tuesday. So I don't have to go back until wednesday! Oh yeah baby. I'm definitely going lighter blonde for my hair, but as for the cut, I'm really starting to like my hair now that it's long so I'm just getting it trimmed and maybe some long layers. I decided against a big change. The longer I let it grow without messing with it, the more I can do to it later if I want. A blank palette as they call it I suppose.
Jeff has been having alot of trouble with his parents and he's been really sad lately. He's never ever very sad and I hate seeing him like this. I went over to his house to take care of him tonight and we went to Red Lobster (i got steak haha) and then we watched Big but really it was just us holding each other and laying down because I just wanted him to relax. My poor baby :( I hope he gets to go to ASU too like he wants to. That would be a-mazing. Anyway........... I'M OUTTIE, YO |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 05:24pm 29/12/2005 |
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mood:  accomplished
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Last night I went and saw Chronicles of Narnia. I will swallow my pride and say it was actually a pretty good movie. I didn't think it would be but I enjoyed it to say the least. Today I woke up and my throat is sore and my nose burns and is runny and every muscle aches. This must mean I've received the cold everyone else in my family has had. It really sucks, I hate being sick, and it's just getting worse as time passes. I laid down in my bed to rest because it's hard to walk and then I heard my dad come home so I came to see where he had been. I saw my mom reading a letter and my dad came over and gave me a hug and he was all happy and gave me the letter. ASU is giving me 2,000$ a year for 4 years to go there. That may not be full ride but damn it's nice considering I didn't apply for ANYTHING. It also says that the scholarship is just the beginning. I still have a chance to get a bigger scholarship when they see my full transcript when I graduate. How awesome is that?? I was so worried but everything is going to be a-okay. I'm going to apply now because if that's what I get without applying who knows what I'll earn when I actually try, haha! Jeff's about to come over and we're going to Zumiez so I can finish out the last of my shopping. Hope it's fun and I don't die of a coughing fit :P |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 02:35pm 28/12/2005 |
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Today's mall haul: 2 shirts, 2 bracelets, 1 more pair of shoes
I'm really racking the wardrobe up here |
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| 12:46am 28/12/2005 |
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Another day, another dead tired Jesse who is still up late.
Watched must love dogs last night with megan and stayed up conversing about john cusack's pure sex appeal until almost probably 5am. Then dad woke me up at 8am to get an early start on shopping. Not cool but I went to make him happy. Old Navy isn't in fiesta mall anymore so we went to an outlet store/strip mall with one big huge old navy. i thought their clothes were supposed to be cute but they looked like kmart clothes. yuck. i found two VERY cute purses and two pairs of flip flops though all under 25$ all together so I'm happy. Then after that we went to chandler mall and i went to every store they had. i got 3 new awesome shirts at zumiez and a belt. then i saw this mod vest i HAD to have and they were all out so my dad ordered it online :) We went to superstition mall to return a jacket and i went into payless and ok... well.. here comes my downfall. okay so i've never been a major fan of slip on shoes right? mostly because scenesters wear them when they are supposed to be casual/surfer type shoes. anyway... there's that one pink pair with black roses at journeys but i found like a more generic brand of the same exact ones at payless for 15 bucks in my size. i tried them on with my capris and they looked like exactly these shoes i wanted i saw on the OC. to make it short, i bought my first pair of slip ons. i understand the vans brand of the rose ones are popular and ill probably see a ton of girls with them on at school but i HONESTLY do not care anymore. they are so cute and hell they make me happy right? who gives a fuck if someone else has them. i can still look cute in them too. anyway yeaaaah. my sister also got 2 pairs of 40$ nice jeans from A&E and this adorable red and white striped tank top that fits me perfectly. OH AND i got two shirts from k mo mo (aha) so 5 more shirts. i still have 80$ and a 50$ zumiez gift card so im set for clothes. my vest and converse are shipping this week i think too. im SO excited. OH and my hair appointment is next tuesday at 10am then i come back at 1pm for my eyebrows. im SOOOOO excited it's not even funny.
today at 8pm jeff took me to dinner. it has been weird between us because of family/christmas we haven't seen each other much and i've been getting more mad at him than usual. but then after dinner he had me close my eyes and 15 minutes later i open them and we're up on this huge mountain/hill with an AMAZING view of the entire city lights. it was so beautiful. i love him so much.
im so fucking happy with myself these days. im confident about wearing things even other people have. im confident wearing a new style shoes that i didnt like before. that says something about the way ive been growing up. im alot more accepting and self assured these days and it's a okay with me |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 05:45pm 26/12/2005 |
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Dayumn! I just got back from the mall. It was GLORIOUS. My dad was with me so he helped me buy extra stuff that I couldn't pay for with my giftcards. I wish I had pictures of everything I got. Chances are Ill take some tomorrow or tonight even. I'm due for some new pics. Plus I need before pictures of my hair because I'm probably getting it done this week!
Let's see... Well first we hit Tillys where I got a long sleeve black shirt with teal blue dinosaur stuff on the front (like yours lauren except long sleeve and diff. colors), I got a white thermal shirt, a black skin industry shirt (which is sooooo goddamn cute), the pinstripe shorts/capris i've always wanted, and that's it from there. Then we went to JC Penny where I got two pairs of jeans. They barely had any 0's so I had nothing to pick from... until.. I found ONE pair left in a 0 of some pants right, and I try them on and they are exactly PERFECT tapered jeans!! Ok, they aren't supposed to be but they are tight (in a good way) around my legs so they look tapered! I was soooo excited. Then after the jeans I had 10$ on the card left so I got this black tanktop with a pirate skull on it and it says shiver me timbers. it cracked me up so i bought it. Then off to anchor blue where I purchased some nice boot cut jeans that fit me very well, and this awesome grey shirt with different colored birds on it.. i dunno hard to explain. after that we hit industrial (even though i didn't have a giftcard my dad still wanted to buy me things) and there i got this volcom shirt with a girl holding a doll and it has words all over it. SoOoOo CUTE. I also got a 70$ green jacket. its a hurley zip up/hoodie it's like forest green and it has these big buttons on it. also hard to explain but im in love with it. i absolutely am 100% happy with everything i got and i'm dying to wearing it all out RIGHT NOW. i don't know its just i've had the same clothes since july and it feels so good to get everything i've been wanting. plus my hair is so long now it's wild and once it's done im finally going to be able to be confident with myself and that is what i've been needing. im not trying to brag or anything its just.. a)my journal and b) im EXCITED haha. I still have a 25$ gift card to old navy, 100$ cash, and a 50$ giftcard to zumiez. and jeff's older brother can get 50% off on everything at zumiez cuz he knows the owner so yeah he might come with me and help me get 50% off. how sweet would that be? speaking of jeff.. i miss him ='( |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL |
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| 11:37am 25/12/2005 |
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Yay!!!! I woke up at 6am, and it was funny because i was worried i wouldn't be able to fall back asleep because nobody wanted to open presents until 7 so i laid down and next thing I know my dad is waking me up at 8:30!! Thats the latest ever. But oh well. I'm making everyone breakfast right now :) I have to tell everyone what I got now. K here we go.
Stocking: candy, VERY expensive french lotion/facial stuff, lip balm, socks
Presents (woohoo!!) : 50$ to Zumiez, Eternal Sunchine of the Spotless Mind, Night at the Roxbury from Jeff
A Madagascar coloring book (lmao) and the Coldplay X&Y CD from Megan
50$ to JC Penny, 50$ to Tillys, 50$ to Anchor Blue, 125$ for my hair to Cosmos, 17$ for eyebrows at Cosmos, Real gold threader earrings, the little volcom backpack I wanted, a green volcom shirt I wanted, Victoria's secret pajamas (which the shirt is so cute i can wear it as a normal shirt), the pushup without padding vic. sec. bra i wanted. it's all lacy and holy shit it really works. i barely feel it there but when i look in the mirror it pushes up my boobs (lmao yeah i just said that) and that's all from mom and dad. OH and my dad let me order these grey converse i wanted this morning because he didn't know my size for christmas cuz i didn't even know my size!
Then, 100$ bill from my uncle dan.
So, all in all, I've made out like a bandit. I'm going to have what.. 300$ for clothes and 150$ for hair/brows and new shoes and backpack ... soooo I'm going to be all made over. which i've been dying for. i'm so happy. YAY. Merry Christmas everyone!! <3 Hope you all are as lucky as me and have fun! |
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| 02:15pm 24/12/2005 |
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TOMORROW'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!! HELL YES! FINALLY, IT'S HERE.
I can't remember the last time I updated so who knows what I'm saying. I just got back from the shooting range.. well not a real range with jeff and his two cousins. we pretty much went to a desert where people quad and dirtbike and fourwheeled it all the way out into the middle of nowhere. i had to not look alot because i thought we were going to fly over the cliff. i was so scared yet it was extremely thrilling. i shot all the guns except the really huge one because im just too little. it was fun. im not a very good aim.. and i can't load.. but hey im learning right?? it was lots of fun. plus i'd just missed jeff tons and it was good to see him. the worst part was fourwheeling back out when his cousin lost control and the truck turned sideways, as in, we were facing the very end of the huge cliff/hills so i thought i was seriously about to die. it was cool though.. ya know since we didn't die and such haha. i've got all my christmas shopping done, everything is done im so stress free. last night we went to both chandler and scottsdale mall and figures, neither of them have an old navy so i couldn't use my giftcard. but i was so set on getting a shirt so i went to target and ended up buying the cowboy/picnic shirt i wanted because i was dying for it. it's actually 25$ and i don't know if it went on sale or what because i could swear it was like 35$ before. i don't know. OH WELL I'M HAPPY YAY TIME FOR A NAP <3 |
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| like the sunshine |
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| 07:41pm 21/12/2005 |
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mood:  hungry
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I don't like alot of things right now. Ah. But I am happy about so many things at the same time. It's weird. Yesterday was the last day, hell yeah. My finals were extremely long. It sucked. Oh well, I think I did okay at least. I went to Jeff's house around 7:30 and we just cleaned his room, got some shakes from jack n the box, then came home to watch hearts in atlantis. it was fun. its nice just being able to drive over without any trouble and hang out with him all night. I can't see him today because it's his dad's birthday. I'm pretty lonely and thats what I hate about today. I'm in a sad sad mood. I tried to sleep it off and ended up sleeping from 3:30-6:30 and I wasn't even tired. Now I feel like shit from oversleeping. I also downloaded the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind sountrack and there's this one main song I wanted.. and I hadn't heard it in awhile.... and when I just first turned it on I had goosebumps. I love that song, and I really really love that movie. Makes me miss Jeff though. I think I'll go take a bath to pass the time. |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| Rest in Peace Squiggles |
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| 07:26pm 18/12/2005 |
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I was supposed to go to the mall yesterday right when it opened to go Christmas shopping with my dad. Well, I woke up at like 10 and I was wondering why he had never woken me up. Then my mom told me he had taken squiggles early that morning to have her put to sleep. I didn't believe her and I was running around the house frantically looking for her and I couldn't find her in any of her favorite spots and I went back out and asked her to tell the truth and I was crying because I knew the truth was that she was gone. I didn't even get to tell her good bye. I at least wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I miss her so fucking much. I know she's happy now and she is in a better place and everything, but it doesn't change the fact that I miss her. She was always a wonderful kitty and I'm so thankful for the time we had with her. I love her. Rest in peace little squigglies.
Well later that day I went to Jeff's real mom's house out in phoenix to open his presents because she's going to texas for christmas. Jeff told me only his mom and his mom's friend would be there but there were a whole lot of people. It was still cool though. She has a really nice new house and we tried to play pool but I kept getting frustrated that I sucked so we starting watching Madagascar. It was funny because there was a grandma (not jeff's) and I walked by and she spanked me on the butt. Hahahaha. Everyone was really nice to me. Then the mom's friend cooked like chicken parmesan, salad, garlic bread, and alfredo noodles all from scratch. It was VERY good. Then we watched more of the movie and it was time to open their presents. It was exciting because it got me all ready for the real Christmas haha. She starts passing out presents and I'm sitting there all happy to see what Jeff got and all the sudden she hands me a present. It was so embarrassing I didn't expect it at all and I don't know it was weird though, but also very nice of her. She got me a bathrobe, britney spears' curious perfume (which actually smells really good), a really cute track jacket thats green and says ireland on it, a 25$ gift certificate to old navy, sarongs/wraps from africa, a huge like 80 piece makeup set with really nice stuff, and a big wooden carving of a lion from africa with cow bone teeth carved in. it is amazing. she had tons of things she brought home from africa, it was all so beautiful. anyway it was all very nice. except i kept almost crying and I had to hide behind jeff because i kept thinking about squiggles. i also just got done seeing jeff so everythings wonderful. i am so happy that there's barely any school left. i have two parties tomorrow and only one final. YAY. okay see ya later. <3 |
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3 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 03:36pm 16/12/2005 |
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i can't stop crying. squiggles is just so messed up. it hurts me to look at her. it's like her insides are practically falling out. we're getting her an appointment this week or even tomorrow to put her to sleep. she may not have been boomer but i love her so much. poor little squiggles. she was never mean to anyone, she always tried to come up to people and the other cats and get attention. im so sad that she has to be sick like this. it happened so suddenly. she was never ever ever this sick and just out of nowhere it happened. i don't know how to handle it. i want to go and be with her but ... i don't know.. i've never been there with a cat getting put to sleep and i think it might almost kill me to watch. i have no idea. she's in my bed with me, i don't care if she's dirty, she deserves to be comfortable. i know we adopted her from the pound all sick and skinny and we made her have a great 4 years or so. she's been good to us and us to her. i think she's better off but that doesn't change how much it hurts to have to let her go. i hate things like this. lsdkfhlsjkdhf |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| lsjkhlaksjdhalskjdhalksjhlaksjhdlnkSlvasuetaew |
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| 10:06pm 15/12/2005 |
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mood:  cold music: depeche mode duhrrr
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I am in a delightful mood! Today sucked nuts mostly because math was so fucking hard and annoying and i pretty much came VERY close to crying when i got my test back that i studied for and thought i did well on.. and instead got a 67.5% I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm never going to make it in there. My parents are going to tear me up. Not to mention we have to take a playing test in orchestra over major, harmonic, melodic, and minor scales... ALL 4 AT ONCE + ARPEGGIOS. i mean what the fuck. and he's a goddamn guitar teacher so he can't even help me with notation or anything so im going in there blindly. i asked the other cello guy to help me and he taught me even more than the teacher, sadly, but im still not grasping it and i just hate it. plus this isn't a test where the teacher doesn't know who you are and turns around while you play. he is going to watch this time. ill never make it out alive. i have to go tomorrow and shit im shaking right now im so nervous. lunch was fun though me and lauren went out with my sister :) it was el funno as i said before. then after school we got alot of the christmas presents for my parents and thats a relief. jeff came over and we got the christmas tree YAY. it's gorgeous and green and HUGE. haven't decorated the sucker yet though. i also bought some jambalaya dish for french culture day, ashley's present, and more ice cream cones!! so now i have everyone but jeff and my sister's present down. anywaysssss
with jeff today.. i don't know.. it was different.. it was fucking weird. i was like a little schoolgirl i couldn't keep my hands off him (in appropriate places, don't be a pervert!) and we were just kissing and god i had forgotten how much i love just laying and doing nothing but kissing him. he is so amazingly attractive, it hurts. and im so glad that neither of us are bored of each other either. not to mention we had a serious, mature conversation about strip clubs. haha. his friend just turned 18. and, if you know me, i have a really big thing against strippers/gentleman's clubs. not only just imagining my guy going there but i don't know. i don't care if it's a man thing to do with his friends and its just for fun and not to see boobs.. it still bothers the living fuck out of me. but i think jeff is really understanding where im coming from because i just explained to him in a factual manner why i wouldn't like it if he went and im not controlling him, he can go, but i can't stop myself from being really upset/disappointed either. so yeah. im hoping i got through to him because that's next to cheating in my book. bleh. i don't care if im weird. everyone has their beliefs. anyway, if you were in love you might understand how it feels with the other women and such.. it's tough.
So I guess I'm back to my good ol' long livejournal entries that nobody reads =] You love it and you know it |
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3 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 08:34pm 14/12/2005 |
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I think I am so in love with this song I might explode.
Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to You?
We always try to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put You through...
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we managed
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through
I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your hearts for two |
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| 04:03pm 12/12/2005 |
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Yay it has been grey and pretty out all day long. Although it was cold, at least it was nice out. I think this week is going to go by decently fast. Today went by quickly so I'm judging from that. It's all mostly review anyway. I get my Christmas tree tomorrow or wednesday I think! I absolutely love decorating it. I'm so excited! I've had the biggest urge to kiss Jeff all day long. I hate it because I can't see him. I now have 90$ saved up for Christmas so far. I think I get 100$ from my uncle to pay my sister back for my parents' gifts later anyway so I think everything is ok. All my major projects are done in my classes. So it's just time to relax now. I took my hair out of a ponytail yesterday and even though it was all curly from being up, it still went past my collar bone. I am so surprised at how quickly it grew. I always thought my hair grew slowly but I guess I was wrong. I finally found a couple ideas for the cut too, instead of just getting it trimmed so that is exciting. I think everythings going pretty good and I hope it stays this way. |
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